Archive for the ‘Депрессия’ Category

Remembering classic novels,

fairy tales,

inherited wisdom

of what you are meant to do,

I gaze deeply into his eyes,

hoping to see a sparkle,

a reflection of love

looking back at me.

But I am disappointed,

the eyes don’t shine,

they are flat,

devoid of any emotion

but pain and hopelessness.

The eyes are the window to a soul

of pain.

I look away.

All I can think of is death,

dead dreams, loss,

murdered opportunities,

life sucked dry.

… Sadness personified.

If I was the type,

I would cry.

And,

as I feel him squeeze my hand,

I wonder whether the eyes I saw

were in fact his

or

a reflection of mine.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

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Some people seem to like

the constant struggle

of life in this world.

The ceaseless battle

motivates and stimulates,

providing willpower

to get up each morning.

Other people

are repulsed

and sucked dry

by such futility.

They know they’ll never win

in this corrupt system.

For them,

deep thinkers

and bottom feeders,

life is a kind of death.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Tired.

Drained.

Another day gone.

Taken.

Deceived.

What have I achieved?

What meaning has this thing called life?

Despair.

Frustration.

Despair.

Smoothness of pubis,

he gropes.

And finally

I understand procreation’s purpose

(perverted creation):

a plea for help,

a desperate hope,

that some day

someone

will give enough of a shit

to rescue me.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Picasso’s mournful feeling,

his despair,

was deepest in the mornings –

he found it hard to get up before Noon.

What reason for living,

if he,

perceptive artist,

sees thus?

Salvation in the afternoon?

One can hope.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Sibir Rail Track, Taiga, Sunrise

 

My chance has gone,

the calendar and passport say.

“Did I ever actually have one?”

I sigh.

Fate has no reply.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Hoping for inspiration, you look out the window.

You try to focus on the sky

but you’re distracted by the courtyard below.

*Pissant neighbors!*

So close but so far!

Endless circle of misunderstandings,

selfishness

and hate.

The unwritten contract of community

is underwritten by contempt.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Sometimes, overcome with the banality

and futility

of apparently everything,

you lose track of time

and slip from the tenuous grip of reality

(if lucky).

Blessed,

you fall into the sweet embrace of sleep

wherein anything is possible.

Tormented,

you dream negatively

and banally

about your neighbors.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

You try,

O how you try,

to do the right thing.

But at the end of the day…

You sit in a pile of ashes

and are reminded of the futility.

Pressure and distension,

people suck you dry.

Bones crumble.

Morals decay.

Life goes on?

Life goes wrong.

(Every fucking day…

life… fades away)

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Disrespected,

abused,

dejected,

screwed,

neglected.

Unrequited love,

cascading unmet needs,

I cut my toenails

until I bleed.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

You pray,

you believe,

you hope.

Life goes on,

people suck you dry.

You get disenchanted,

disappointed

and exhausted.

You pray,

you try to believe,

you want to remember

what hope felt like.

One day you give up.

Soon, you will die.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat