Archive for the ‘Как дела?’ Category

Падут подле тебя тысяча и десять тысяч одесную тебя; но к тебе не приблизится: только смотреть будешь очами твоими и видеть возмездие нечестивым.

(Псалтирь 91, 7-8)

I’m fairly sure, manda,

that you don’t remember the anniversary,

that haunts my soul

and fucks my essence,

in which you are central.

Nonetheless, I’m fairly certain,

that you are rotting in hell,

one way or another.

Lest we forget:

… mother against mother.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

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Wave of futility

sweeps over me,

cold breath on my stiff neck.

Half-life, too much, and never enough…

Pain, so much pain…

… creeping death.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Sometime during the TV commercials,

somewhere in between ads for life insurance, sports betting and pantyliners,

she decided to slit her wrists.

Driven to madness.

Society story.

The end.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Are you ready?

It’s a long way up

and we’re going all the way to the top!

 

I wake up.

A door clangs shut.

I come too.

One voice tells me that I’m in a prison cell,

another says: welcome to hell.

Laughter and footsteps get fainter.

And I am on my own.

My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the dim, yet harsh, light. A bare light bulb, hanging, reflecting on gray drabness.

I’m on a bed (if you can call it that). Four walls cramming in upon me. A bucket on the floor. A tray next to that.

It is what it is.

And that is that.

In pain, I slowly uncoil and get up. I stretch my back as best I can. It’s cold. I’m instantly thankful to be wearing a tracksuit top, the kind that zips up to cover one’s neck. I don’t remember putting it on but instantly I consider it my best friend.

I reach for the tray: bread and water. I smile thinly.

I try not to think about my prospects.

I lie back down on the bed. The mattress is skeletal and the base below hard. I pull up the blanket. And then I realize that, for now, I’m all alone. And I can’t hear any sound beyond my own breathing, and the thoughts in my head.

Peace, of sorts.

Imperfect peace, in an imperfect place.

For now it will suffice.

Such is life.