Archive for the ‘Free’ Category

In my descent into madness

(as many would see it),

I’m becoming more and more detached,

from what society tells me I should be.

Yes…

I’m finding sanity,

a certain clarity.

Cleansing and wholeness…

Gladness envelopes my soul.

(*Fuck you and your ladder!*)

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

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I slept.

I woke.

I went where they told me.

I did what they said.

I tried not to think.

I worked the way a convict does,

under duress.

Unnatural state of affairs.

Toil.

Toil and…

A break.

Even slaves get fed,

for expediency.

Sometimes,

even a surprise.

Like here, a sweet banana.

I ate, the way one does.

Then a sudden urge to urinate hit me.

I took a few steps

and

I had absolutely no control,

the dribble became a flood,

down both legs

and into my shoes.

Sodden and obviously wet,

for all to see,

I said nothing.

Relieved (one might say),

I continued to work.

It was a shame,

that I had pissed myself,

but I felt absolutely no shame.

Indeed, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

 

©ddr7hd

 

Happy 14th of January!

So they tell me.

Really?

I feel so matter-of-fact about it.

What does it mean?

I think, therefore I am…

I think… I am entering into

a beautiful new realm of increased detachment.

Freedom, in captive surrounds.

Ho-hum,

sigh,

societal construct,

time,

captivity.

I say, revoke and repudiate

such negativity.

Wish upon a star in an unseen sky,

and be free.

 

It wasn’t my intention to burn any bridges,

so as to say,

but I was determined to make my freedom count.

So,

on hold

(an artificial, imposed, grievous kind of stasis,

one which leads to aggravation, despair, degradation, disintegration),

I decided to take action.

I hung up the phone.

What’s more, I pulled the cable from the wall.

Gone…

Incommunicado.

And free,

free enough

to actually hear and focus on the thoughts inside my head,

complete sentences,

and sense,

yes, real, true sense,

innate wisdom,

the still small voice within,

a beautiful thing!

 

Should’ve gone to Canada,

that was the plan –

they couldn’t

(possibly)

have followed us there.

We would have been free!

I think.

Free.

Still haunted.

 

I found myself in a situation of bondage and degradation.

I decided that enough was enough.

I said goodbye and walked away

(oh, that we all could do so!)

But they weren’t finished with me.

Alas,

shit stirrers,

satan’s minions,

woe betiders,

wannabes,

sadists,

purveyors of misery!

Nevertheless,

I will not walk to my own execution.

So:

Goodbye,

I said again,

turning my cheek,

and again,

goodbye I said

and kept on walking.

Away.

(As they stabbed me in the back, yet again!)…

Bloodied, I walked away,

until I dropped.

All-consuming pain,

and relief,

as they thought I was dead,

and gone,

so they left me alone,

and they let me be.

And at last,

I was free!

 

Tired,

and because I can,

I climb the stairs

to my room

and lie down

on a beanbag

(does furniture get any better?).

I close my eyes and drift into the ether,

a higher plane of existence,

unconsciousness and sleep,

where I am not in control, truly,

but anything is possible.

I am floating

and I look down on America,

I like what I see,

mainly.

But talk of left and right here

baffles me.

Where I am from,

Communists and socialists *are* the conservatives,

it’s the so-called liberals who are most corrupt and debauched.

Economy and morality.

Persecution for anyone who doesn’t agree,

kiss ass,

wannabe.

Sick, sad, world.

 

I had some time (freizeit).

I had some freedom (freiheit).

So I decided to get naked and shave,

perhaps epilate,

down under.

Actually, I felt a compulsion…

I don’t mind a little hair, but once it gets to a certain length and thickness, and/or coarseness, it’s annoying, it makes me feel old, like Budapest, 1966.

Some women insist they do it for hygiene…

In a sense, I do too, for cleansing.

Body and mind.

I do it because it feels right,

so right

and beautiful,

smooth.

Contaminant gone.

Free.

I feel more like myself again.

 

I was determined to make my freedom count.

So, I stopped counting seconds and minutes, for a while.

I took my watch off

(My beloved Swatch with the Stakhanov name and design!),

I stopped looking at the hands and appreciated the art.

Beautiful,

evocative,

inspiring.

Ironic really, given my new circumstances.

 

Okay, first thing’s first,

the basest thing,

money…

I was alone and without a job and/or income.

What, me worry?

Hah!

I didn’t have a job and/or income in my early childhood

and I was somewhat happier then than I have been of late,

I rationalized to myself, effecting a simper.

Yes, the future was ahead of me back then,

I was 100% potential,

perhaps,

predetermined to an extent,

then,

so why not be excited by going back to the future thus?

Indeed.

Changing global labor realities,

we are expected to be adaptable,

blah, blah, blah,

news reports and experts know

the robots are coming.

I took a sip of beer.

Free!