Archive for the ‘Fucked-Up Families’ Category



And all the forgiveness you can muster

will not change what has been,

the evil committed,

the pain you feel every single day.

What is gone

and what is left.

The more you dig,

the bigger the hole.

Betrayed by family,

diminished humanity.





Last night I dreamt of family…

It was OK,

pleasant, the way it should be

(… bearing no resemblance to reality).




Everything is spinning,

my stomach is lurching,

but it is not enough.



I envy the dead:

they have run their race.




Oozing with a sense of injustice,

every painful step, my feet feel bruised, pummelled, they throb.

Every glimpse out the window, a stab in the heart,

a reminder,

a betrayal.

Inconsiderate, self-absorbed, hateful humanity.

Perfidy takes many forms,

my friend,

strangers and fucked-up families.

The unending end.




It’s not a conspiracy theory

if it seems real,

if you believe,

if you *feel*.




We don’t need enemies,

we have each other.




You wake up and realize

that it’s a conspiracy…

They all know each other

(messed-up family,

inbred community,

missing humanity),

*indeed*, it’s a conspiracy,

and *you* are the enemy.




He asked me to justify Operation Priboi,

Baltic deportations.

Well… Kulaks!!!

… Okay, really,

I can’t, justify,

but… Russians, Ukrainians, Crimeans, Koreans, et al,

we all went through such things,

ipso facto

welcome to the family

(bonds of tragedy)…




After some effort,

blocking out external stimuli,

I fell asleep.

It was a brief respite.

I dreamt of an enemy,

the way they used to be,

a friend,

it was nice,

the way family should be.

I woke up.

Alas, reality’s stark,

albeit unnecessary.

A shame it’s not up to me.

We didn’t have to be enemies.




They wanted to take a sample of my DNA.

In return they would give me answers:

who I was, where I came from,

the origin of my species,

so as to speak.

Like, this would make me feel better about myself

and give me renewed purpose in life.

Ancestry narrowed down by markers

to half-continental specificity,

amazingly mine

for just $99.99

plus tax and postage

and 8 weeks of waiting

for validation

and wondering,

what if,

so as to speak,

what if?

Like a modern-day wannabe

multi-racial Nazi on heat…

No, I didn’t buy it.

Screwed-up ego trip.