Archive for the ‘Fucked-Up Families’ Category

Last night I dreamt of family…

It was OK,

pleasant, the way it should be

(… bearing no resemblance to reality).

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Everything is spinning,

my stomach is lurching,

but it is not enough.

Outer…

Space…

I envy the dead:

they have run their race.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Oozing with a sense of injustice,

every painful step, my feet feel bruised, pummelled, they throb.

Every glimpse out the window, a stab in the heart,

a reminder,

a betrayal.

Inconsiderate, self-absorbed, hateful humanity.

Perfidy takes many forms,

my friend,

strangers and fucked-up families.

The unending end.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

It’s not a conspiracy theory

if it seems real,

if you believe,

if you *feel*.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

We don’t need enemies,

we have each other.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

You wake up and realize

that it’s a conspiracy…

They all know each other

(messed-up family,

inbred community,

missing humanity),

*indeed*, it’s a conspiracy,

and *you* are the enemy.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

He asked me to justify Operation Priboi,

Baltic deportations.

Well… Kulaks!!!

… Okay, really,

I can’t, justify,

but… Russians, Ukrainians, Crimeans, Koreans, et al,

we all went through such things,

ipso facto

welcome to the family

(bonds of tragedy)…

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

After some effort,

blocking out external stimuli,

I fell asleep.

It was a brief respite.

I dreamt of an enemy,

the way they used to be,

a friend,

it was nice,

the way family should be.

I woke up.

Alas, reality’s stark,

albeit unnecessary.

A shame it’s not up to me.

We didn’t have to be enemies.

 

©ddr7hd

 

They wanted to take a sample of my DNA.

In return they would give me answers:

who I was, where I came from,

the origin of my species,

so as to speak.

Like, this would make me feel better about myself

and give me renewed purpose in life.

Ancestry narrowed down by markers

to half-continental specificity,

amazingly mine

for just $99.99

plus tax and postage

and 8 weeks of waiting

for validation

and wondering,

what if,

so as to speak,

what if?

Like a modern-day wannabe

multi-racial Nazi on heat…

No, I didn’t buy it.

Screwed-up ego trip.

 

 

Okay, I refuse to censor myself,

here and now, yesterday,

neither do I recant.

It is true,

I do hate her,

for what she became,

for what she went along with,

for what she stole,

for what she left behind.

Yet, I do realize she was a victim too.

The people surrounding,

self-righteous, twisted motherfuckers

that they were, are and remain,

quintessence of evil,

brethren of shame.

*They* are the true villains,

and may they and *theirs* rot in perpetuity.

And then there’s me.

So utterly betrayed,

it lingers every day.

Beyond borders,

time and space.

Pain.

Pure pain.