Archive for the ‘Fucked-Up Families’ Category

It’s not a conspiracy theory

if it seems real,

if you believe,

if you *feel*.





We don’t need enemies,

we have each other.




You wake up and realize

that it’s a conspiracy…

They all know each other

(messed-up family,

inbred community,

missing humanity),

*indeed*, it’s a conspiracy,

and *you* are the enemy.




He asked me to justify Operation Priboi,

Baltic deportations.

Well… Kulaks!!!

… Okay, really,

I can’t, justify,

but… Russians, Ukrainians, Crimeans, Koreans, et al,

we all went through such things,

ipso facto

welcome to the family

(bonds of tragedy)…




After some effort,

blocking out external stimuli,

I fell asleep.

It was a brief respite.

I dreamt of an enemy,

the way they used to be,

a friend,

it was nice,

the way family should be.

I woke up.

Alas, reality’s stark,

albeit unnecessary.

A shame it’s not up to me.

We didn’t have to be enemies.




They wanted to take a sample of my DNA.

In return they would give me answers:

who I was, where I came from,

the origin of my species,

so as to speak.

Like, this would make me feel better about myself

and give me renewed purpose in life.

Ancestry narrowed down by markers

to half-continental specificity,

amazingly mine

for just $99.99

plus tax and postage

and 8 weeks of waiting

for validation

and wondering,

what if,

so as to speak,

what if?

Like a modern-day wannabe

multi-racial Nazi on heat…

No, I didn’t buy it.

Screwed-up ego trip.



Okay, I refuse to censor myself,

here and now, yesterday,

neither do I recant.

It is true,

I do hate her,

for what she became,

for what she went along with,

for what she stole,

for what she left behind.

Yet, I do realize she was a victim too.

The people surrounding,

self-righteous, twisted motherfuckers

that they were, are and remain,

quintessence of evil,

brethren of shame.

*They* are the true villains,

and may they and *theirs* rot in perpetuity.

And then there’s me.

So utterly betrayed,

it lingers every day.

Beyond borders,

time and space.


Pure pain.



Life Partner,

like a dance,

you choose whatever’s vaguely suitable,

to hand,


to piss on your foot.


You know just the words

that get under my skin.

You know the buttons to push,

drive me to sin.

You don’t understand me,

you don’t want to…

I love you,

I hate you,

you are my reason for being,

problem is, I’m only happy asleep.

Pissing contest

par excellence,


the sooner the better.

I destroy you,

you destroy me,

ourselves together, alone,

forsaken by all others,

forever and never.




Posted: 2016-04-30 in Esther, Fucked-Up Families

I am consoled with the fact that I am still standing,


and that my enemies have heaped scorn and shit upon themselves.

(Verily, my worst day is better than their best!)

By Christ Jesus, I am freed from a millstone most heinous:

good riddance, good bye “family”.