Archive for the ‘Life (Pending)’ Category

Hopeless,

futility-fucked,

drained.

Existential pain.

You think too much,

agonize,

yet,

the ocean has no grain.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Oh, those dangerous/beautiful times

when the exception becomes the rule …

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Not Trud,

that’s an honorable thing.

For you, it’s turd,

yes, that’s the word!

You say you’re renovating,

whatever that really means.

You and your crowbar,

pulling asunder…

I observe

and wonder.

The benefits of leaving old façades in place,

hollow rot covered,

worm-eaten essence protected.

Now shamefully exposed.

What will you do next?

… Why, of course,

you just cover the shit with new plastic and tin.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Despite my best efforts,

in spite of how much I try,

situations and circumstances conspire.

Sometimes a cold shower

is as close as you can get,

feasibly,

to the Epiphany you want.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Everyone gets what they deserve,

maybe,

so they say.

Except me,

so it seems,

I get futility

and shit.

As far as I can see…

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Dejected and hopeless,

you give up,

and why not?

Hope-less!

No more resist!

Relent,

desist,

enter abyss.

Decadence and loss,

calm acceptance?

Indulgence and revulsion.

Suck, suck, suck!

Let’s revisit

(did we ever leave?)

Moscow’s post-Soviet

Hungry Duck.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

Fast forward, pause and quick reverse,

the tape twists

and, with it, my sanity.

Your hate and misunderstanding.

Your eyes, closed to all but your pain.

Epiphany in jeopardy!

I cry.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

The music in my head…

it all sounds the same,

bombastic

and tragic.

… Pain!

Enough was enough

yesterday.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

The painful times, so pervasive,

when everything (but sleep)

seems so (fucking) futile.

This is life?

 

©SvetkaSamizdat

 

That thing which was a priority,

in a peaceful time of clarity,

in the cold light of a mid-Winter’s day,

somehow become impossible luxury,

in the bedlam of tonight’s complexity.

… Simple pleasure’s blown away.

 

©SvetkaSamizdat