Archive for the ‘Life (Pending)’ Category




Existential pain.

You think too much,



the ocean has no grain.




Oh, those dangerous/beautiful times

when the exception becomes the rule …




Not Trud,

that’s an honorable thing.

For you, it’s turd,

yes, that’s the word!

You say you’re renovating,

whatever that really means.

You and your crowbar,

pulling asunder…

I observe

and wonder.

The benefits of leaving old façades in place,

hollow rot covered,

worm-eaten essence protected.

Now shamefully exposed.

What will you do next?

… Why, of course,

you just cover the shit with new plastic and tin.




Despite my best efforts,

in spite of how much I try,

situations and circumstances conspire.

Sometimes a cold shower

is as close as you can get,


to the Epiphany you want.




Everyone gets what they deserve,


so they say.

Except me,

so it seems,

I get futility

and shit.

As far as I can see…




Dejected and hopeless,

you give up,

and why not?


No more resist!



enter abyss.

Decadence and loss,

calm acceptance?

Indulgence and revulsion.

Suck, suck, suck!

Let’s revisit

(did we ever leave?)

Moscow’s post-Soviet

Hungry Duck.




Fast forward, pause and quick reverse,

the tape twists

and, with it, my sanity.

Your hate and misunderstanding.

Your eyes, closed to all but your pain.

Epiphany in jeopardy!

I cry.




The music in my head…

it all sounds the same,


and tragic.

… Pain!

Enough was enough





The painful times, so pervasive,

when everything (but sleep)

seems so (fucking) futile.

This is life?




That thing which was a priority,

in a peaceful time of clarity,

in the cold light of a mid-Winter’s day,

somehow become impossible luxury,

in the bedlam of tonight’s complexity.

… Simple pleasure’s blown away.