Archive for the ‘Projekt 8.25’ Category

It wasn’t my intention to burn any bridges,

so as to say,

but I was determined to make my freedom count.

So,

on hold

(an artificial, imposed, grievous kind of stasis,

one which leads to aggravation, despair, degradation, disintegration),

I decided to take action.

I hung up the phone.

What’s more, I pulled the cable from the wall.

Gone…

Incommunicado.

And free,

free enough

to actually hear and focus on the thoughts inside my head,

complete sentences,

and sense,

yes, real, true sense,

innate wisdom,

the still small voice within,

a beautiful thing!

 

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They look so happy

in the old photographs.

Life was good,

life was fun,

perhaps.

They look so beautiful,

innocent

and sweet,

in the old photographs,

historically important,

preserved for posterity,

perspectives,

black and white,

gray and sepia.

Who knows

what they were really thinking?

Still…

they look so happy

and beautiful,

in the old photographs,

frozen in a moment,

time long gone,

alas,

they look so dead.

 

Her name was Arina.

She asked me if DDR meant

Deutsche Demokratische Republik

or

Das Dritte Reich.

“Hmmmm…” I said out loud,

“Since Königsberg became Kaliningrad,

is there any difference?”

At that point I felt a chill,

a whisper from the past,

a memory of intense cruelty,

of wanting to do unto others

as they have done unto you.

Sometimes wishful thinking,

sometimes real,

sometimes you don’t really want to,

but an order’s an order and,

when the Barrier Troops are behind you,

you do what you have to do.

I felt another chill,

looked down

and saw blood on the floor,

it was me,

bleeding,

such vivid red…

 

Preacher says once again

that the end is nigh:

it’s clear the world’s heaving

and in a worst state than ever before,

bleak prophesies

long prophesized,

warnings

now realized.

I’m inured,

having heard it all before,

like echoes

of nuclear Armageddon

lapping at the polluted shore.

And I wonder what the concentration camp inmate,

1944,

or the inquisition victim,

burned alive,

1572,

would say if you told

him/her

that 2016

was the worst year ever.

The world has never been so depraved and evil,

as yesterday, today and tomorrow.

 

You don’t get it,

even now,

with all the “wisdom” of time and exposure.

Sometimes there is no definite answer,

North or South of the Equator.

Not everyone in the system is guilty,

but is any human ever truly innocent?

We took vitamins and supplements,

just like today’s heroes,

we did as we were coached and advised,

but the world needs a scapegoat,

we were thus vilified.

No contemporary law was broken,

still, we stand accused

and convicted in retrospect.

Compare the overweight,

overpaid,

superstars

of American Football,

who generally did it gladly

and knowingly.

If you know what I mean,

you may understand.

Imperfect

human,

sacrificial lamb.

 

Should’ve gone to Canada,

that was the plan –

they couldn’t

(possibly)

have followed us there.

We would have been free!

I think.

Free.

Still haunted.

 

Man plans,

God laughs.

So they say.

If it’s true,

I’d say it’s because He knows

human nature

and the impossibility,

the futility,

of doing the right thing

in this fallen world:

societies of perfidy,

sadists,

exploiters and

grinning backstabbers.

If it’s laughter,

it’s sad, poignant laughter,

the kind that masks tears

and choking,

broken hearts.

Smile.

God feels your pain.

 

I found myself in a situation of bondage and degradation.

I decided that enough was enough.

I said goodbye and walked away

(oh, that we all could do so!)

But they weren’t finished with me.

Alas,

shit stirrers,

satan’s minions,

woe betiders,

wannabes,

sadists,

purveyors of misery!

Nevertheless,

I will not walk to my own execution.

So:

Goodbye,

I said again,

turning my cheek,

and again,

goodbye I said

and kept on walking.

Away.

(As they stabbed me in the back, yet again!)…

Bloodied, I walked away,

until I dropped.

All-consuming pain,

and relief,

as they thought I was dead,

and gone,

so they left me alone,

and they let me be.

And at last,

I was free!

 

Condoleezza Rice followed me

as I walked through Foggy Bottom.

Smart woman,

she knows something.

I am a sleeping giant…

Let me lie.

Let me dream.

When I’m ready,

I will rise.

Ipso facto,

leave me be…

let me deal,

let me rest,

let me heal.

 

Everybody thinks

everybody else

is trash.

Guess what?

En masse,

they’re right!

This is the world we have become.