Archive for the ‘We Are Enemies.’ Category

I don’t miss you.

I’d like to say it’s almost as if you never existed, but that’s not true: you haunt me.

I hate you and what you represent. I hate that you left, that you betrayed me, most cruelly. I hate that you screwed up my life, that you left me with the mess and walked into the sunset.

I’m reminded of you each and every day.

I wonder if you even remember me.


The weirdos of NYC bring a smile to my face, a nasty kind of grin, borne of disturbed satisfaction.

Serial killers, alpha males, drug addicts, sickos, pimps, whores, Wall Street traders, beggars, rich motherfuckers, speculators, manipulators, scum, all of Danny’s sons of bitches – some don’t like their mug-shots, so they post their own selfies. Extroverts and perverts, getting their rocks off 24/7 in the city that never sleeps.

And then there’s me, the Russian girl, on the autistic spectrum, just like my nation. Some call it a disorder, a few see it as an opportunity. We hate change but we love revolutions. … Still. Still movement. No one understands us. No one wants to. Everything comes from the cunt. Our motives remain unclear. We try our best, but how can we compare to Broadway?




I once visited a relative in Brighton Beach – it was hell. All manner of Russian scum, ex-Soviet, quasi-Jewish, totally American confusion. Everyone wanted to touch, buy or finger-fuck me. NYC indeed!

As the wind wafted, caressed the young tennis player’s skirt enticingly, young boys and old men smiled.

It was a scene of purity, cue soundtrack: Mozart’s Elvira Madigan.




The right setting…

Then an educated bimbo in the crowd shouted: “No, no, no, it’s the 2nd movement of Piano Concerto #21 in C major.”

Smart ass!

Inspired by the hatred borne of a disrupted idyll – seeing black on white, Jesus on the Cross, righteous indignation, their mothers groped by refugees – the angry mob beat the poor man to a pulp.

Through the bloodshed, it was lost, our definitions and understandings, different meanings, different realities.

“Let’s be clear,” the politician proclaimed, waving her finger to make the point, “Saudi Arabia is our ally, Russia is our adversary.”

She offered no context or explanation. … Let’s be clear?

Yes, let’s.

Where’s the money?

The money buys votes.

The votes buy power.

The power buys more money.

The perfect circle of a politician’s life, a wheel of sorts, on an axle oiled by lies. Business leaders nod their heads as they push the buttons and change the gears, on a whim. Capitalism is the religion of the hemisphere.

(Time to change one’s mind, I think. It could be said, time for a lobotomy!)

Collection of people in one space, hardly of one mind.

Pushing and jostling and squeezing in,

standing idly, talking banally, expansively, blocking the way.

Arseholes all,

collective in that purpose at least.

Yes, united after all.


What is that?

Common good and feeling of belonging.

Yes, grab required supplies and run to the hills.

The speed skater moves as fast as she can, building momentum, fighting gravity, society.

Unnecessary noise and selfish behavior disturbs, the marketplace … that’s life today.

Today Ukraine overcame the might of the USA.

Tomorrow, Russia.

Why not?

No, not conspiracy,

just plain hunger.


Hunger and pain.

After famine and extermination,

like rodents and insects,

the people still standing fought back,

who could blame them?

(…You can’t always choose your friends…)

More suppression followed,

Industrialization and progress.

Black lungs, coal, nuclear dross,

radiation poison, oxygen starvation,

sentimental policemen, come and gone.

Implosion, explosion, freedom, perhaps.

Independence permitted so long as we remain compliant

to the Bear’s capriciousness, corrupt.


Tired, hungry, in pain.

We take a stand.

We make a stand.

We stand defiant.


Holy Trinity with us.